Narcissist
by Angela and MiniMix
Summary: Loving oneself is one thing, being /in love/ with oneself is quite another. Mello, second chances and his narcissism./Mello/Mello told in a series of drabbles.
1. Caramel Turtles

Gift fic for Contemptus, because I promised you a B/K/M but I can't deliver so you get Mello/Mello instead. Also for Hikari Daeron, because I wrote it first. This fic will be told through a series of drabbles. Updated on Saturdays.

Spoilers for Mello's real name in later chapters, and for canon events in the manga/anime. Speaking of canon events, this is slightly AU but also not AU. All of the canon events have already played out as they did in canon; now they're playing out a second time, in a new fashion.

* * *

**Summary: **Loving oneself is one thing, being _in love_ with oneself is quite another. Mello, second chances and his narcissism.

* * *

There are no Pearly Gates for Mello, when he dies, but this doesn't surprise him. All the shit he's done, waking up in Heaven would mean someone has fucked up.

There are no demons or pits of hellfire, either. Only long stretches of vast space, open and silent and lifeless. Hundreds of thousands of miles where all he can see is blackened sand, and ash swirling across the windless sky.

_If this is Hell,_ Mello decides, _it's really pretty damn boring._

With nothing else to do, he begins to walk.

He hopes he'll find chocolate here. He has a craving._

* * *

_Second chapter's done already, that'll be posted next Saturday. Chapter after that the next Saturday._  
_


	2. Photographer

Exactly one hundred words, handwritten and hand counted before being typed up, yet FFN tells me it's 117. Lrn2count, FFN.

Posting schedule has been altered to twice a week postings, because I'm excited to post these, and I'm like, four chapters ahead now. I'll post Wednesdays and Saturdays. Posting this one now though, since I didn't yesterday.

* * *

It is the same, his old House.

Same iron wrought gates, same yard, fence, and trees; same plaque declaring proudly 'Wammy's House'. This was his home, his House. Yet it was not his at all, not really.

_Will you choose the same road again, Mihael Keehl? Or shall you learn from the mistakes? Our wager is that you shall. I do not like to lose._

_And if I win?_

_You shall live._

"Are you really going to leave without even making any plans, Mello?" he asks his younger self, once the boy has slammed the old gates shut behind him._

* * *

_Somehow I was off by four words in my initial count, so had to add an extra four words then recount to be sure I was correct in my numbers now. Enjoy the four minutes of counting and adding it took me to fix.


	3. Vegatables

Oddly enough, I'm about four chapters ahead of myself every time I post a chapter. (I assure you, this is a good thing as I now lack any excuses for not updating on time.)

* * *

Mello has never realized how much he's taken hot water for granted, not until he is forced to give it up in favor of paying rent.

Shivering, he shoves his head under the tap, massaging the shampoo out of his hair. Once he has rinsed it clean of suds, he shuts the tap off and wrings out his hair, wondering where he companion has gotten to._ 'Michael Hopkins my ass...'_

**xxxxxx**

_"Are you really going to leave without even making any plans, Mello?"_

_"The fuck are you?"_

_"Michael Hopkins. Your new best friend, Mello."_

_"What?"_

_"I'll explain later, promise."_

He hadn't._

* * *

_Soon we'll be getting past all these vegetables and onto the real meat of the story._  
_


	4. Photography

Still ahead of myself here. I feel so proud.

* * *

The older man (boy?), with his face but not his name, cries in his sleep sometimes.

Names like _Kane_ and _Matt_ and _Akira_, names Mello recognizes from the House, but he's never seen him there before.

It disturbs him, hearing those names from the other in the darkness of their shared flat. He has so many questions (_Who are you? How do you know their names? _What_ are you?_), but only recieves cryptic answers in return.

But it is his own dreams that leave him gasping for air at dawn.

He can still taste burnt flesh through all his chocolate.

* * *

I apologize for this being a day late. I spent yesterday at Six Flags, and in the end, knew I wouldn't be home in time to post it. I'd originally intended to post it before I left for the day, but that just didn't happen and by the time I got home, I was too tired to get online.


	5. Life

Apologies for the missed update, but life happened. I'm also moving into a new apartment starting Monday, so there will be another gap in regards to posting due to that.

So excited though, my very first apartment of my own~

Now, onward!

This one was hardest, so far I think. How to answer questions and evade them at the same time.

* * *

"Why do you look like me?"

"I can't imagine what you mean."

"Your name's not really Michael Hopkins."

"If you say so, Mello."

"Why are you helping me?"

"I can't tell you."

"Why?"

"Against the rules."

"What rules?"

"Can't tell you that either."

"That's annoying, you know."

"I do."

"Then tell me."

"I _can't_, Mello."

"Fine then. What can you tell me?"

"That you'll make a lot of mistakes, but I'm here to prevent your doing so. Trust me."

Mello eyes Michael for a few moments, before he snorts.

"Why do you cry at night?"

Michael stays silent this once.


	6. Seven

Sorry for taking so long to update! I moved out to my own place, but had no computer or internet, so I couldn't get online. But now I can, so posting again soon.

Merry belated Christmas, here's my gift to you all~

* * *

Mello spends the days cultivating contacts, and Michael watches him every night when he comes back, quiet.

"You should team up with Near," he says quietly, every night before bed.

He scoffs at the idea, sure that Michael is joking, and when he realizes that he's not, the blonde's amusement turns to annoyance.

"Why should I work with him and let him take all the credit?"

"I'm serious Mello," the other says firmly. "If _L_ couldn't do this alone, then you can't either."

Mello sneers. "I don't need Near."

"Yes you do."

"Why?"

"Because if you don't work together, _you'll_ die."

* * *

And yes, it's a day early to make up for the missed postings.


	7. Cat's in the Bag

Happy New Year~

* * *

Mello contemplates Michael's words for a long time after they're spoken, and he wonders.

_You'll take Matt down with you, if you don't join Near. Is that what you want?_

He doesn't.

**xxxxx**

It takes him weeks to decide if he'll take Michael's advice, before he makes up his mind. When he does, he contacts Matt first. He learns that Near is still in Wammy's, and that he is planning a special task force to find and arrest Kira.

He waits to call Near, because he knows himself far too well to think he's ready to face the other boy yet.

* * *

Sorry for the extra day, I hit a snag.


	8. Sherlock Holmes is my best mate

Sorry! So sorry! I had classes, and then my computer broke and by the time it was fixed, I had lost the inspiration for this fic. And now I have classes again, and the inspiration still is floundering and gasping for air. And I don't like this chapter at all, but I felt that I needed to at least make an effort in updating for you guys.

Once again, exactly one hundred words. Also, update schedule is once again regulated to Saturdays only, due to school and homework and real life and everything else.

Try to enjoy?

* * *

It takes Mello four months to actually contact Near, and another two months to arrange to meet him without wanting to punch him in the face.

Michael smiles when he hears the news.

"I told you that he'd say yes, didn't I?"

Mello just scowls and turns away to get another chocolate bar.

"Shut up Michael," he snaps back. "I don't want to hear your stupid 'I told you so' comments."

"Yes Mello. So how goes the contacts?"

Mello drags out the list he's made and eagerly begins to explain his plans to join the mafia, despite Michael's cautious words.

* * *

/will try to do better in future.


	9. If Butterflies Were Wishes

Ergh. Okay, so maybe weekly updates was a little bit more than I can give. Sorry about that. I'll try harder, but can't guarantee anything anymore. This bunny seems to come and go on a whim. Maybe it'll stay longer this time?

* * *

"Do you know the story of Narcissus, Mello?" Michael asks one night, the non sequitur falling from his mouth between bites of chocolate.

"He was a Greek man who spurned the love of a nymph, and was cursed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pond. He wasted away because he refused to leave the reflection who he believed was someone else; his body was turned into a flower that bears his name. What of it?"

"Ah, nothing. Don't mind me." The older man turns away with a shrug. "It's not important."

Mello frowns at his back.

* * *

And thus begins the sort-of slash-ish bits. Or something. They aren't quite there yet, but they're getting there. Of sorts.


End file.
